Everything drifts..

WOW. I first started using the internet in 3rd grade. My mom had gotten AOL, and me and my sister both got our own screen names. We had the "kid" welcome screen which was cool. I remember chatting to my few relatives who also had AOL, and then in 4th grade someone in my class also got AOL, so I would chat with them too. I just used it to play games and what not when I was younger.

In sixth grade I used it a lot for reports and projects, and for a long time in middle school I taught myself HTML and a little CSS and PHP. It started with Neopets and customizing my Pet's page, then on to my own neopets graphics site on yahoo! geocities, then with my own personal blog on one of my internet friend's domain. I remember those good 'ol days where I did have internet friends. I don't know what happened though. In high school I didn't find time to keep up with all of that,and in general just grew out of it.

Near the end of high school and now I've used the internet a lot for my current hobby, sewing and reconstruction of clothes. A lot of what I've learned and my inspiration has come from the internet.

The internet has also ruined my life in some ways. Near the end of middle school I was introduced to Habbo Hotel and Gunbound, both games that took over my life and led me to fail algebra. Oh well though, I became successful in both games! haha. Then there was Maplestory, which is an MMORPG, which I HIGHLY RECCOMMEND not to play if you have an addictive personality. That game also ruined my life.

I guess sadly, ever since I did discover the internet, it has shaped my life. It did give me some useful skills though. I can type at a pretty fast speed and I can say I'm pretty comfortable with computers, PCs and Macs alike. I understand most role playing games and enjoy those massive games and interacting with people over the internet. I also think that it has made me more anti-social. Not that I was really social before, but I like to just sit on my computer for hours alone.

I am glad that I was introduced to the internet when I was young though. I love how I am computer-addicted and that's what my life's surrounded by. Sad, I know.. but that's just how my life turned out.

I'm still not at school because both me and Trina have furloughed classes tomorrow, so I thought we could just drive back tomorrow morning! :)

I have really enjoyed break. Thanksgiving day was fun. Ended up taking possession of my Uncle's hookah because he barely uses his anymore. It was nice to get the whole family together too. Friday was also fun. Ended up getting a digital camera at Target, and then watched New Moon for the second time. Haha.. we brought left overs to the theater.

Today was good too. Went to the BMX track, and then went to pepper lunch with everyone. Literally, almost EVERYONE. Lol. About half of those who showed up at thanksgiving came to pepper lunch. If you haven't eaten there, it's delicious.

Now i'm just dreading going back to school. I should be doing homework, but I keep putting it off. I want to clean my room here at home, but I always bring too much stuff from school to home and then my room looks like a mess. Its starting to finally feel like the holidays and December is right around the corner. I always enjoy winter break a lot more because I'm not worrying about tests, projects, finals, and things like that.

With all that said, here's some pics from today taken with my new camera! :)

( LJ Cut for pics! )

Why is this time of year starting to become the hardest? I love this time of year. But if I keep having these crazy thoughts, I don't know what I'm going to do.

These memories.. thoughts.. I embrace them.. yet, I want them to go away.

I would love to be your friend. I miss that so much. But I know that I can't just be your friend.

I was doing so well too.



Let's hope this is just happening because it's almost the year mark of when you broke up with me.

And that makes me sad. I'll eventually start one when I have more time to sew.. but for now I'll just post on here.

Before I show you my creation, however. Let me blog about my life. Haha! Um, Let's just say it's been a hectic week. I'm just glad that things were straightened out yesterday. Work has been good, I'm more comfortable now that it's been a good 5-6 weeks in. My month of October looks hectic. But I like it, minus the midterms coming up. And I was missing sewing, and I had a shirt that I hadn't altered yet so I thought I would see what I could come up with.



So.. I think this is my favorite out of all the ones I've altered this school year. It's still unfinished (I intend to attach sleeves). I was just excited because I knew that my grey cardigan would look perfect with it. It started out as a men's xl from savers that I got for $5 (love that store). I cut off the top, made it fitted, then added the bottom but instead of making the bottom fit, I pleated it to fit the top. Unfortunately, the pleats do nothing for my butt so I have to alter that too.

I dunno though, one of my more successful reconstructions. BTW. I know that it's super short. I don't think I'd wear it without leggings.

Home is been good. Was a little slow yesterday because everyone was busy until 4, but when everyone finally came home it was fun.

My uncle is managing the spirit store on steven's creek, so we went to go visit him there and do some halloween shopping with my aunt and cousins. Haha, I think we spent over an hour in there. It was so much fun! And while we were in there we convinced my aunt to throw a big halloween party, which i'm pretty excited about. Yeah, I think everyone's going to be in costume and that rarely ever happens.

After that we went to daiso. I freakin' love daiso! I got a pencil pouch, a mini stapler, a lunch pale and a set of 3 tupperware so that I can bring lunch to work. All for $8. haha.. okay not as much of a 'steal' but it seemed cheap!! Lol. It's always very dangerous when I go to daiso. oh well!

Then after that we went to my aunt's for family dinner. It was nice to see all my cousins again. We were in the garage just dancing and playing ninja and going crazy. Before that we were trying to do a 'silent library' game, but that didn't work out so well because we would always crack up really loud. I never had to do a task though. woot!

Today we are going to great america with the whole family. I can't remember back to a time where we went, EVERYONE went. So this should be fun.

It's my grandpa's birthday (his death anniversary was a month ago).

Today, the parent plus loan was approved so now I'm not so worried about money for college.

I got a call back from the Marketing Department here at CSUMB for an interview about their graphic design internship. I'm sure either a junior or senior will get it, but just getting the opportunity is great. And hey, there IS a chance I may get it.

And I know this may sound stupid but I've been praying for these things to happen. And they came true. I feel like I should go to church on Sunday.

When I told my mother this, she reminded me that 10 years ago today we changed our last name. I remember how difficult it was and how we almost missed our court time because we went to the wrong court.

Today has been good. Unbelievably good. I don't know what's going on.

It was horribly done too. Well, I was planning to tell my boss when I was about to leave, but of course, JUST MY LUCK, she leaves before I get off!! So then I had to explain it to Margaret (my boss's boss, who is a lot nicer) and she explained to me the things I have to do. I told her my last day would be next Friday, but they want me to do the full two weeks. 

During this process, I will have to fill out an exit survey, basically saying things that I didn't approve of, things that I could improve for the position, etc etc. I will then have to meet with Ruthann one on one and sort of explain it to her why I'm quitting. THEN Margaret brought up and asked if it was about the money, and that I could easily ask for a raise and that wouldn't be a problem but I have already accepted the other job.

And this new job, I'm getting about half the hours that I'm used to getting. But I think that's better, because right now I'm drowning in homework (kind of not really, but soon enough I will be). Tonight, after my 9-5 of work and classes, and then 5-7 of my PE class, then 7-10 of eating, hanging out and messing around, I'm finally finding time to just sit down and do my japanese homework. I am exausted. it is nonstop for me. I know, why am I taking 3 hours to do a bunch of nothing? It's because after nonstop of working/classes from 9-7, you go a little crazy.

And I know the money thing won't be a problem. Trina has already said that she'll help now with the food, toiletries and whatever we buy on a biweekly/weekly basis. I just have to learn how to save and what not, which is a skill that I have not yet obtained but will surely do soon.

I'm nervous about tommorow. I have to face my boss. I have to face my co-workers. I have to explain why I'm leaving. I'm a wreck. I just want all of this to be over already.

It's not too bad. At least I get some people interaction at work. And next week will be better. :)

Ugh it was so hard to wake up this morning. The sun didn't come up, it was overcast. I usually don't have to wake up with an alarm because the sun wakes me up, but today, unfortunately, I woke up to my alarm. And then I layed in bed for another 20 minutes because I could.

Work was okay today. Sammi (my co-worker) was checking this one's student's booklists, and was showing me how many books he had to get. There were like, 14 books! But half of them were recommended. And they were mostly chapter books, so not too bad. But anyway, I was like, DAMN! What class is that for? She said ISSM 323. The class I was signed up for -_-. It's an online  mythology class, and even though the booklist looks crazy.. the books look really cool. What i'm most interested in is the hindu myths book. I'm excited for this class. Okay now I sound like a nerd. Next topic..

I haven't had a problem with my internet yet. It seems to be going fast, without the ethernet cord. I did try connecting through my ethernet cable though, and it didn't connect :o But I haven't been lagging so it's all good! I just wish trina luck when she tries to play warcraft. Uhhh but I might try the other ethernet outlet.. cuz I bought a 14ft ethernet cord ($5 from fry's ^^). Hm..

I finally plugged in my fridge. Has everything now. I don't have to go to the kitchen. very convenient.

I need to bring my posters from home. My room looks bare.

now i'm just rambling. Sorry. I'm a little bored.

I don't even know why I was nervous for today, but it went really well. We are a lot busier than the beginning of last semester, which means I was working the whole time. I always like my co-workers because they are nice. I remembered how to do a lot of things, and I didn't have to keep refreshing my memory haha. A few things changed in the office, but for the most part i'm happy with how everything turned out today.

And one time when I had to wait for like 5 papers to be faxed, I had a pretty interesting conversation with my office director. I brought up the fact that my sister was working as a video games tester, and he then asked if that was what she wanted to do. I told him yeah, that's the industry she wants to get into. He then went on about how they don't tell you that in college, there are certain majors that aren't able to get jobs right out of college, and that some require master's or more degrees to get the actual job that they want. Then he went on complaining he got a communications degree (or something like that) and how there wasn't many jobs out there for him. It just made me think and what not. He went on for awhile though.. so I could tell he was a little irritated with what he chose. hah.

I also went to res life to talk about the little things that are wrong in my room that they were missing on the paper. I saw Andrew (a guy i know who's a summer RA) and Ben (Shelli's 2nd floor RA ..cute!) haha that made my day to see more people. OH And the new dining commons look all new and shiny. I saw them painting the otter on.

BAHH. I pretty much feel prepared for school. except for japanese. I am scared for japanese.

My mommy and sissy are on there way here with the rest of my stuff. Super excited for them to come! I get to show my mom the new library and where I fell asleep countless times hahaha. Loved it.

So I forgot a few things at home, but it's okay because my mom's coming up tommorow with the rest of the stuff.

I am surprised at how big our room is. Definitely bigger than our room at home, but the best part is our walk in closet this year! I was surprised to open the door and see that because I thought that this room would have two wardrobes instead. So now me and trina both have a dresser. We put one in the closet to save space, and another kind of near the bathroom to store our bathroom stuff (well only the first drawer). The  closet saves us al ot of space because of the shelf above as well.

For a room not facing the sun, we get a lot of sunlight. And the view isn't bad either. I thought that we'd be facing a tree and that was all we see, but i can actually see the quad pretty clearly. And the new dining commons which i'm excited about.

It took us awhile to arrange the furniture, but I think we're pretty satisfied. Our fridge is kinda big and took forever for us to bring it up the stairs xD. Too bad I can't use it  yet, cuz we had to lay it on it's side to fit  in our car and according so some people who bought a mini fridge, you shouldn't lay it on the side because of some liquid thing, and to wait 24 hrs before plugging it in. So now i'm waiting.

Eep! I'm bringing all my posters and wall decorations and what not the weekend we move in because trina will bring it for me.

so.. I'm very very VERY satisfied with my room. :D

I haven't organized my packing yet. I have to sort out what i'm going to need Sunday night, and what can wait till Monday. Blah.. Well at least I started my laundry!

This week I've done so much that I'm tired. For my last week in Santa Clara, I didn't expect it to be this fulfilled. I feel satisfied (haha). I've had a lot of fun this week, and having end kinda sucks now. I was anticipating this for so long and now I don't want to leave again.

Well better post tommorow and maybe pics of my empty dorm room! Haha. I should go pack and what not.

It seems like August will be most hectic. Especially next week.

Next week, on top of me packing and buying and packing and checking things, my stepbrother will also be here. Which means we'll probably be doing various things.. and it's also my last week in santa clara before I go back to monterey so i'm trying to fit everything in next week.

I feel like everything is being thrown at me at once. I should have prepared to move in a lot earlier, but I've left all the preparation for this week and it does not seem like enough. I made a list of stuff i'm going to need today, and on sunday or monday i'm going to go through my boxes and figure out waht I have and what I need to get.

I'm excited to move in early, but kind of sad. I don't know, it just hit me that i'll have to move away from home again. I don't know why it's so hard for me.. but yeah, I like it here. But I like it in Monterey too. I feel bad leaving my cat, especially when i'm gone the whole day he looks at me with those 'where have you been' eyes when I get home. I feel bad leaving my brother, because even though he does get on my nerves, i love him to death. I'm hoping I won't become too lonely the week I move back.

August also means that school will start (at the very end of August). I'm pretty excited for the school year. I'm not taking any really fun classes this semester, although my crime and violence lab i'm looking forward to and japanese will be fun but challenging as hell. I love school, I love taking notes, I love having homework to do in the beginning. I think that's why I do so well in the fall. Spring.. now that's another story. But this semester will probably be my best because I already know how to manage my time and what to expect. That probably had to be the hardest thing my first year of college, trying to fit everything in. 

I'm hoping and praying i'll finish school in 4 years. I was bored one day this summer and planned out all my classes for hte next 3 years so that I can graduate in 4 years. I sure hope I can do it. I never have more than 4 classes, but if something gets screwed up then I screw up.

That basically wraps up my thoughts for today and August, for now.

bring my hopes up.. and then crush me in the end. I only hope.

Um.. well let's see. I'd be 29 by now.

I hope I'll be married, maybe with kids. With a good stable job, living in Santa Clara. Sadly, yes, I don't want to leave. Wow, how typical does this sound.

I hope I won't be dependent on my mother anymore. That's a huge thing that I want 10 years. I don't want to be dependent on anyone in 10 years (financially), except for my husband.

Yup, my dreams aren't that big. But I'm still excited.

I'm not making a mistake.


God, please give me strength.

(sorry to the religious reference to those out there, but yes, I do ask God for things because he usually answers.)

It was really strange actually. I can't really remember how we met.. but there was some sort of event or something? And then I met this girl, and somehow we 'fell in love' in 2 days, and on the 3rd day of the event we got married. It was.. strange.. we had microphones and were reading off this script, that wasn't even vows! Even though they were technically our vows. Then the day after that, her family came and I met them. I was playing in the field.. and then when I went to the restaurant I forgot my shoes. My bad on my part, it made a horrible impression on the family. And then when she was about to kiss me goodbye, I woke up. Throughout the dream though, like when I was meeting her family, I kept trying to think of how I was going to end the marriage. I know, it was bad.


Vow
To dream that you are making a vow, represents a promise that affects others. The dream may be trying to reaffirm such promises and the fear of letting others down. In particular, to dream that you are listening or making marriage vows, signifies a commitment to your life partner.

Lesbian
To dream that you are a lesbian (but you are not in your waking life), signifies a union with aspects of yourself. It is symbolic of self-love, self-acceptance, and passion. You are comfortable with your sexuality and femininity. If, in your dream you abhor the notion of lesbianism, then it represents your fears and rejection of parts of your own sexuality.

Script
To read or write a script in your dream, signifies character or persona that you portray in your waking life. The dream is telling you that you have power to control the direction and path of your own life.

Microphone
To see a microphone in your dream, suggests that you need to be more assertive and forceful. You need to voice your opinions more strongly and make your views known. The microphone may also be a pun on someone in your life who is named "Mike".

Shoes
If your forget your shoes, then it suggests that you are leaving restraints behind you. You are refusing to conform to some idea or attitude.

And to plan things.

I've been really pre-occupied with my family. We having camping coming up this weekend, then the family reunion. For some reason, there's still a lot to do before the reunion,  but i'm pretty excited. Ugh, they want us to do some sort of performance, but i'm really not down for that.

I love riding my bike. It's fixed, which basically means I can't coast. Yeah, it is trendy, but I enjoy it being fixed. When I don't have time to bike to a faraway place and I have nothing better to do, I just get on my bike and practice trackstanding and skidding (which I can't do yet, scared my bike will fall apart). I also love riding at night with my cousins. Yeah i've only done it twice, but I don't get too sweaty because it is at night.

Sometimes when I get bored I watch my youtube celebrity crushes on youtube (Aj Rafael, Mark Mejia, Gabe Bondoc.. yeah. typical). Oh, on blogTV too. Very addicting. Also makes me a little sad. I want a boyfriend who can sing and who is musically talented. That would be nice.

I went clubbing last weekend. Mucho fun.

Summer's going by a lot faster than I had anticipated.

I think i had a lot more to say but i'm a little distracted with blogTV. blah.

So I was pretty tired of watching people update their facebook statuses and I wanted to know what's up.

On CNN they just announced his death.. and said that this was all a shock.

I was on Gmail talking to my mother about this. She told me that he was dead, while I told her that he had a cardiac arrest and wasn't dead yet, but was in a coma. I thought.. in my head.. he had some sort of chance. Until my mom said 'like grandma.'

Then I knew he would be dead. I am starting to remember everything. The night before my grandma died, she did have a heart attack. Then, before I went to sleep, my mom told me that they had her vitals or something stabilized. I then was woken up the next morning and driven to the hospital. I already knew on the drive there what was going to happen.

You know, before I was reminded of my grandma's death I wasn't even feeling anything about Michael Jackson. Now I don't feel like doing anything anymore. Ugh I hate these days.

I actually had a decent conversation with my 3 year old cousin. I asked him if he got up early this morning, and he said yeah. He then said "I had a dream." He never said anything to me like that before, so I was amazed. I asked him what happened in the dream.. and he said "I was up in the air."

After he said that, .. I dunno. I felt.. like.. something so simple made him happy. Like a dream being up in the air. And the simple fact that the highlight of his morning was that he did have that dream. Now that i'm older, it's not even like that. There's so much drama, complication, and a lot of being worried. I don't know. I wish life was different.. I wish life was the same as we were when we were younger. But then it'd probably be boring.

Him just telling me he had a dream was great.

At 7 I got ready to go and babysit my cousin. It was pretty easy, and she slept most of the time because she was tired.

Around 3 her dad came home, and then I rushed home to get ready for the graduation because my family was already there saving seats. At 4 I arrived at graduation, and helped keep the kids in check and just hung out. During graduation was so much fun! I love sitting in the stands. We had signs for my cousin, which was pretty funny because he seemed embarrased but oh well! :) I can't wait for another 2 years for my next cousin to graduate.

The graduation party was fun too. Played foursquare with the kids outside for a bit, then we ate. Then my Uncle George brought his mini hooka set, and then Travis brought his hooka too with 2 hoses.. and my uncles and aunts kept coming in and out and trying it. So funny! By 11 most of the adults went home, but we stayed around till 2 and just hookahed. i was hella light headed.. and even this morning.. (but I got up around 8 soo that might explain it). So fun though! I think I had more fun at this graduation/party than at my own.. haha.

I'm so tired.. I was supposed to go to (I think) my cousin on gerald's side of the family today, but i'd rather just rest at home.

I want a hooka set.