We actually pulled it off.
So in roller derby, not only do you have to dedicate time to skate.. you also have to do committee work. One of the committees that started earlier this year was the bout production committee (a bout is a "game" in roller derby). I went to the very first meeting, and somehow became "chair" of this committee. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, and it ended up being one of the craziest roller coasters.

To make a long story short, only one of ten had any experience in planning a bout. We only had our venue 4 weeks before the bout, and then lost it at the 3 week mark. and finally at the 2 week mark we got another venue. The committee pulled off planning a full-on bout in 2 weeks, and I am so proud of them, of us. I didn't think I'd feel this good.

The bout went smoothly, of course I didn't have to deal with admission and what not since I was already warming up for skating, but we got everyone in and most everything worked out. It was so much fun to skate in and to be apart of something this big just makes me feel so fulfilled, that it's hard for me to try in school anymore.

It's true, roller derby changed my life. I had one person yesterday ask me what made me join roller derby, because of what he knows he wouldn't stereotype me as a typical derby girl. Well, I wanted to do something different for once and doing derby has made me become more stronger as a person. Roller derby is out of my comfort zone, having full-on contact with women doing a SPORT. I hated sports in high school because they seemed like so much work and I wasn't into it, but I don't know how i am so driven for this.

And even though I skate with some crazy girls, I love them all to death. In the 5 months that I've known them, I've gotten to love them and respect them for who they are. I don't know what it is about the people I meet in derby, but even though some may drive me crazy they still inspire me to be someone who's strong-willed and motivated. 

It makes me sad that I know this will end in about a year or two. I know that wherever I move to there will be derby, but I'm afraid it won't be anything like this league.

So yes, derby has taken over my life. I think I've accepted it.

You're like my escape.
Today was bad. I shouldn't be running to you when the going gets tough. I need to face the stress, the reality of it all. It's just way too convenient that you're close. This is bad.

Well........... fuck.

I thought I knew what I wanted but now I don't know anymore.


Life before roller derby?
 One of my derby sister's status' said "I've been pondering, what was life before derby?" It made me think.. what WAS life before all of this? Before this feeling of belonging, of being a strong person and having the "kick-ass" mind-set. What was my life like? What did I base it off of and how did I ever get through without this? haha.

Anyway, I've really been enjoying derby lately. A few weeks ago when it was around the time we were doing time trials, I felt slow compared to the other girls. This was a let down because coming into the fresh meat period I was one of the few who knew how to skate, then all of a sudden everyone was up to my pace and I was not standing out. Time trials went horribly the first time, one because we were skating on smooth cement (so my wheels weren't gripping the floor as well) and two because I had a lot on my mind that day. The Saturday after though, I passed my time trials with a much better time. Around this time I felt like I didn't know what I was doing and derby didn't feel the same, but a few practices later it felt right again. And it's going way better now because I got new wheels and bearings that are just amazing :). OH and I discovered yesterday that my old bearings had some sort of 'lard' in them (solidified oil?). My mentor Dixie was not very pleased since those bearings made me work twice as hard as I should have been.

In the middle of the fresh meat period, we were assigned mentors who were already assessed skaters to help us get through the fresh meat period. My mentor's name is Dixie, and she was a transfer from the Jet City Roller Girls (I think that's what they are called). She's also a coach, so whenever we pair up for drills she gives me lots of good advice, hehe. And yesterday I went over to her house to learn how to clean my bearings, and it felt great to just talk derby for a good 2 and a half hours? I'm glad they gave us a mentor, because to have someone to talk to about it made me even more excited. Yesterday I could not stop thinking about derby for the life of me. 

To sum it up, I love derby. It makes me happy and I honestly can't remember life before it.

Path to Graduate and what not.
 So for one of my classes we are required to meet with our Faculty/Capstone Advisor (each emphasis has a faculty who kind of 'specializes' in it). I met with mine early Friday, and I'd have to say I'm feeling pretty good about where I'm headed.

Gladly this will be my last semester taking 20 units. I thought I was a little behind, but it seems that now I'm on the right path for graduation, so 16 unit semesters here I come! You have no idea how excited I am. I also told him my capstone idea (like a senior project) and he seemed all for it. Kevin (his name, thought I should use it) was also talking about these two guys who do programming on campus for some of the interweb stuff, and said they might need someone to help with their few projects, so that could be a capstone idea as well. I think that with my capstone, I'm going to go more of the route of heavy coding and still with design, but also to show off my coding skills. I guess I sounded pretty enthused for capstone and my last year here at CSUMB, because he said he was excited to have talent and energy in the emphasis. I don't know what he's had in the past but I'm pretty excited myself. 

It all just seems very in my grasp. OH. And I went to the Jason Derulo concert Friday night, and slept over at my friend Shelli's Grandpa's flat in SF. Let me just tell you.. I loved the old feel of the flat, the wall paper, the old fashioned everything.  I know it's everyones dreams, but I want to life in sf. 

Other than that life's been pretty much the same. Derby's been going good, I've had to do C++ every night in order to keep up and it's not even my concentration, and my room is a mess. Must clean today! Poop.

roller derby.
This Saturday was the 'bootcamp' of the Monterey Bay Derby Dames. It was originally called tryouts, but since they are such a new league they are deciding to take everyone and then training with them.

It was so much fun! I absolutely enjoyed it. I love love love to skate, and I think I finally found something I love and may be good at. We went over some of the basic skills of derby, like the different types of falls and stops. I enjoyed falling and practicing the falling. Plus, everyone was super nice which was cool. I really wish that they would get us started with the bouts earlier, but we have a lot to learn. So what happens is all of us 'Fresh Meat' go through a 3 month period of practices, where they teach us the basics and help us improve our skills. After the 3 months are up, we will all take a skills test and a written test to see if we are eligible to participate in the bouts (the actual roller-derby part). I'm feeling pretty good about my skills. I had no idea how to properly stop on skates before Saturday, and now I know how to do the T-Stop.

The practices are going to be Tuesday and Saturday nights. They aren't too bad, and we're allowed to miss 6. I'm also planning to go and participate in the advanced derby practice, just to get more experience. They say there will be times during the advanced practice where we can't participate, but that's fine. I almost feel ready to make Derby my life.

It's nice to have something that's outside of school/computers/etc. I was anticipating the bootcamp so much. Not just because I wanted to get started with derby, but also because it was something different and something I love. For school, I am on the computer the majority of the day, then for homework, on the computer again. Work, on the computer.. and most of my hobbies and free time? Spent on my computer. When I go out and skate, it's like taking a breath of fresh air. I need something to relieve me of the stress and I'm ready to commit to this.

Commitments, stress, and everything else.
I was stressing a lot about school a few days ago. I think it was mostly because I had a presentation on Wednesday and that was my first presentation of the semester. It went really well though, and after I was done I felt like I lifted a big weight off my shoulders. And, now that I'm done with that presentation and mostly everything due next week, I don't have much to do besides reading. I feel like I over-stress, but maybe it's better that way.

If I get into the derby league, it's going to be 3-4 2 hour practices a week, plus non-skate conditioning, plus 10-30 hours a week of committee services that don't involve skating or pay. I really want to commit to this, but I need to make sure I put school first. I need to get straight A's this semester. I'm going to do this, I need to.. kind of.

I feel like such a freak when I have fun doing my homework. I guess it's because it doesn't feel right having fun doing homework.. who has fun doing homework? I guess this just means I chose the right major? That's good to know because sometimes I DO have doubts, but very rarely. But this just enforces that I love doing what I'm doing. It's also kind of crazy that I'm planning to do my capstone next year, and graduating. I will never get to do 'college' again. In my life. I'm considering going for another year to take even more classes and expanding my knowledge but.. I know I will end up regretting it.

So far, best year yet. And I plan to keep it this way.

Roller derby.
I'm buying skates tomorrow night.

I can't believe i'm doing this! I know I lack the size and maybe muscle for this sport.. but I'm so determined. I hope my expectations aren't too high. 

Survived my first week back!
The first week of this semester has flown by and I have survived.

I have definitely underestimated my classes. I didn't expect them to be as demanding as they are now. I don't think that they are difficult, but that I need to dedicate more time than I had planned. Being in my upper division classes and learning what I want to be learning though, is actually pretty fun. I READ the textbooks now, take notes, listen in class. I feel like this semester I'm going to have to put in a lot of work, but I think it will be worth it. Plus I have classes with most of the same people now, and I kind of like that.

As far as work goes, I'm working more than twice as much as last year. It isn't too bad though, since I know what to do now and they let me do my homework when there's downtime. I really think I got lucky when I got my job, because if I was doing tedious work for 17 hours a week I'd go crazy. Plus, I really love my co-workers and my boss is awesome.

Living off campus has it's ups and downs. When I AM on campus I'm either working or going to class, then I come home. It's nice actually that I'm not wasting time on campus when I DO have to be there. I love being able to come home and preparing food for myself. I love not having to worry about drama when it comes to going to dinner or lunch or whatever. I love not living in your typical dorm room or having the ugly dorm room furniture. Yeah, it does suck that I do have to drive to school everyday, but it's only a 7 minute drive at most. Not too bad. Plus I have the most awesome roommates. 

There's an amateur roller derby league that's being started up here in Monterey. I know I'm kind of crazy for wanting to try it since I'm so small and it is a contact sport, but I love to skate (or at least I used to) and I've wanted to be apart of something for awhile. Roller derby seems so fun! But I don't know if I could dedicate the time, plus it's $50 a month. I'm so determined though to make it work, I really want this to work out for me. I hope I'm not disappointed in the end.

And as far as other things go, I'm still on the fence about it. Back and forth. Some people say no, others say why not. I'm so lost, but having school and work this week have distracted me from the issue.

Too Independent.
I was watching the Real World earlier and one of the girls had to deal with a problem with domestic violence. She never told anyone because she didn't want to appear weak, but recently she had opened up to her mother and her mother said 'I'm afraid I raised you to be too independent.'

It kind of reminded me of myself. Not the domestic violence of course, I'd never let that slide, but how she didn't want to seem weak towards her friends and family. I'm always afraid of appearing weak and saying how I really feel. I'm also afraid of being dependent on others, and admitting things that would make me appear weak. I feel like I always need to be that strong person that I think I am, and that admitting certain things will only make me weak.

I don't know. It just makes me reflect on how I view life. Maybe it's okay to be weak every once in awhile.

On another note, last night was a lot of fun and everything is about to change with the school year about to start! Time to live a little. And no one's going to stop me. :)


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